Current mood: Piratey
So I was killing time, waiting for my ship, and I went into this dockside tavern, and ordered a tankard of grog. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of this salty old sea-dog with two peg legs, two hooks, and an eyepatch. I picked up my grog, and went over and sat next to him.
I’ll bet you have some good stories to tell. I said to him.
Arrrr! says he. That I do.
So I ask, How did you lose your legs and arms?
He lifts his right peg leg, and says; Arrrr! This leg be the first limb I lost. When I was young, I were a whole man, and I sailed with Capt’n Shoat. I remember it well, I do. It were in a fierce sea-battle against Capt’n No-Beard’s frigate. A piece of grape-shot came across the deck, and clipped me leg out from underneath me!
Wow. I said.
The old pirate continued. Arrr. It were seven years later that I lost me hand! He brandished the shiny hook on his left wrist. I was in Madagascar, dueling across the beach man-to-man against the notorious Red Robert Blarg, and me peg leg sunk into the soft sand, and I lost me balance, and Red Robert, he with one deft chop, disarmed me!
Disarmed you, Haha! I get it! I laughed.
But the old pirate scowled, and barked Arrr! It be not funny, lad! I was maimed fer life, i were!
I’m sorry! I thought you wre making a joke. I said, embarrased. Do go on with your story… I said humbly.
Arrr. mumbled the pirate, and he shifted himself in his seat, and then went on. So I thought I would give up piracy, and take up a safer trade instead. So I became a whaler.
A Whaler? I asked.
Aye. said he, A whaler. But one day we encountered the White Whale; Moby Dick! He saw me peg leg, and took me fer Capt’n Ahab, and capsized the long-boat to get at me. Before me mates could pull be back aboard the ship, the White Whale had bitten off me other leg!
Oh… I said solemnly.
Then he raised his other hook, on his right hand. This one was cleverly wedged through the handle of his tankard of rum. This hand, said he, this hand I lost to a woman. Black Flag Betsy, only daughter o’ the corrupt magistrate of the Isle of Blood. A fierce woman was she! A head o hair, red like fire, and a heart full o’ fire as well… I met her in an Ale-house in Bermuda, and well… Let’s us just say she didn’t take lightly to being treated like a wench. I put my hand where I ought not have, and I lost it for my trouble! I’ll say no more of her, for it pains me heart to think of her.
I was silent for a while, sipping on my grog, and thinking about the pirate’s tales. Finally i said One last question: How did you lose your eye?. I pointed at the patch over his left eye.
Arrrr… sighed the pirate. He sounded disappointed. You can tell, can ye? I thought it were so realistic. He reached up with his free hook and popped out his right eye. It rolled across the table. It be made of wood. said he. I lost it last month, right here in this tavern. I was deep in my rum, and I went to scratch me nose, and missed, and gouged out my own eye. Arrr! What a clumsy fool I be!
I was shocked. But… but… What about the other eye! I exclaimed, What about the one under the eye-patch!?
Arrr! said the pirate with a smile. That be me good eye! I wears the patch to protect it while I’m drinking!