Archive for April, 2006

Harbor City Bushy-Tailed Rat-Bear

 Posted by James Paige on April 28th, 2006

Current mood: hurty but good

The debate in the scientific community rages on; Exactly how to classify the newly discovered endangered mammal recently sighted in Harbor City, on the campus of LA Harbor College.

The so-called “Harbor City Bushy-Tailed Rat-Bear” has not yet been given an official scientific name, as a specimen has not yet been captured and described in detail, nor, in fact, has one even been photographed yet. However, numerous descriptions from reliable eye-witnesses have been composited to bring you this sketch.

Too Big To Be A Varmit, Too Small To Be A Beastie
Questions still abound regarding this mystery-animal. Is it a native species or an import?. Did toxins from the refinery cause mutations which resulted in the rapid evolvement of a new species?

Conservationalists are already calling for legislation to protect this new animal. Although more study is required, the Rat-Bear’s habitat may already be in danger of being destroyed by the College’s construction and expansion work. Furthermore, the Rat-Bear’s proximity to Machado Lake Park puts it at risk for direct contact with Reggie the Alligator, Harbor City’s other famous exotic animal.

In an interview with naturalist Dr. C. Lynn Moon, she was quoted as saying; “We have a working theory that the Rat-Bear may be the product of hybrid cross-breeding between a wild animal like a squirrel, and an escaped domestic pet such as a cat or Shi-tzu. Imagine if this same animal became too ‘friendly’ with Reggie. The possible consequences are too terrifying to contemplate!”

Tiger Piglets

 Posted by James Paige on April 25th, 2006

Current mood: Lunching

This morning, a co-worker forwarded me an e-mail which included this photo, along with a heartwarming story about how a Tigress in a zoo, distraught over the loss of her cubs, was brought out of her state of feline depression when clever zookeepers brought her a litter of piglets to raise as a surrogate mother.

Tiger Piglets
I for one, did not believe the story for one minute. This photograph clearly exposes a sinister government plot to genetically engineer a new race of deadly man-eating attack-pigs for military use. Your tax dollars at work.

For goodness sake, Jefferson, stop moving around!

 Posted by James Paige on April 5th, 2006

Current mood: numismanic

I was at the grocery store buying milk and bananas, and when I payed, the nice little robot that helps the cashier dispense the change gave me some coins. One of them caught my eye immediately. It was different. I immediately singled it out, and started babbling about it to the cashier, (delaying the line of people behind me) and nearly left without taking my groceries with me. Jefferson’s face had moved to a different place on the Nickel!


Now pretty much exactly the same thing happened months ago at a different grocery store, last time Jefferson moved.I tell you, this guy on the Nickel was a great founding father and all, but he is dead! Dead presidents should have the common decency to stop moving! It is spooking me out!

Besides being a little bit scary to see this face moving around the coin, I feel like it weakens the coin. I know the State Quarters were a big hit, but that was the backs of the coins, not the fronts. Now you could counterfit any slug of metal, and as long as you got the size right, it would not matter what picture you put on it, I would be willing to believe it was a legit coin.

I guess they don’t really care about coin counterfitting. Our currency has inflated enough that coins aren’t worth much of anything anymore. It would cost far more to fake tham than what they are worth. You know pennies are not made of copper anymore, right? Copper is way too valuable for that. Copper is extremely important for microchips and for wiring, and for all sorts of other important industrial uses– and there is a fixed amount of it available on earth. There will be no increase in the available global copper supply until after asteroid mining becomes feasable.

Perhaps that is why Abe Lincoln has been holding still. He is Thinking about the Future!