"I am the Curd!" " Master of Cheese" " Island!" "" "Are you here to" " steal my cheese?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Yes, I am here" " for the cheese," " and I will not" " leave without" " it!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Then prepare to be pasteurised!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Cheese? I- I-" " I dont want " " your cheese!" " I was...um.." " looking for" " the restroom!" "Can you tell" " me where it" " is?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "The restroom? boy" " are you lost!" "Go back the way" " you came, third " " door on the left," " then down the " " hall. You cant" " miss it." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Care to vej" " in front of" " the tube?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" " T.V. LISTINGS" "_________________" "Monday-Football" "Tuesday-Cooking" " with Pxargo" "Wednesday-Cops" "Thursday-Vlad" " Dracolya's talk" " show" "Friday-Pro-" " Wrestling" "Saturday-Cheesy" " cartoons" "Sunday-Shop at" " home network" "Everyday-Reruns" " of Gilligan's" " Island" "" "" "The 10! the 20! the 30" " yard line! He scores!" "...Whats this? The" " other team's coach" " slugged him in the" " mouth! Its a brawl!" " theyre all jumping in" " just like last week!" "What a mess! Helmets" " are flying! You would" " think this was hockey!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Pxargo:Now. the batter" " is ready, so we need" " to whip up some nice" " fromelle frosting." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "First we need" " a fromelle." "Let us see. Ah!" " here is one." "" "Ooh! its" " slippery!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "AAARRGH! Come back" " here! Wait till" " I get my hands on" " you, you filthy" " little fromelle!" "Crash! DIE FROMELLE" " DIE!!!" "Crunch! Splat!" "" "Darn. It evaded me" " again!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Cops: Live from" " Julian California." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Okay. Were here in" " Julian CA. a real" " hotbed for crime." "Well, lets see if" " we can stop any" " criminal activity." "..." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "..." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "..." "Um... I hate to" " say it, but" " nothing is" " happening." "" "Wait! Just give" " it some time." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Look! Look! what did" " I tell you! here is" " some action!" "" "HEY YOU! YOU WITH THE" " COONSKIN CAP! DROP" " THAT SQURREL OR ILL" " SHOOT!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Vlad: I have had" " a lot of wackos," " sickos and psychos" " on this show over" " the years, but you" " take the cake!" "Guest: Yes, Vlad," " and Im very proud" " proud of that." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Vlad: No, I dont think" " you understand just" " how warped I think you" " are. And bear in mind," " this is coming from " " me- a merciless bloody" " warlord." "Guest: Yes, I know. I" " appreciate the approval" " of someone like you." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Vlad: let me put" " it this way. I" " impale people I" " dont like. I dont" " like you. Any" " questions?" "Guest:Hey! Hey!" " put me down! No!" " No! AAAAAAAAAA!!!" " ..." "Audience:Yaaay!" " Clap! Clap! Clap!" " whistle!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Vlad:Ooh! What a mess." " Well, tune in next" " week when I interveiw" " three more sickos:" " A female Elvis imp-" " ersonator, A guy who" " LIKES to pay taxes," " and the programmer of" " DireSPAM." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Oh no! EvilPlumber" " has Mr.Impressive" " in a triple back-" " handed nose lock!" "How excruciateing!" " Now he is doing" " the killer side-" " ways kneecap" " piledriver!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "But Wait! Mr.Impres-" " sive is up again!" " He is hitting Evil-" " Plumber with a open" " fisted spinning" " belly noogie!" "EvilPlumber is down!" " Mr.Impressive wins!" " Oh what a triumph" " for the forces of" " good!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Archvillain: Ha!Ha! do" " you remember me? it is" " I, your archnemisis!" " I am about to destroy" " the world, and you" " cant stop me! Nya!Nya!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Hero:Oh no! My" " Archnemisis who" " I already killed" " in episodes 2,8" " and 23! Quick!" " give me the " " atomic lazer!" "Sidekick:The blue" " atomic lazer or" " the green one?" "Hero:The blue one." " I used the green " " one last time." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "ZAP!" "Hero:He is gone. Do" " you think he is" " dead?" "Sidekick:I guess so." " fourth time is the " " charm." "" "The End...or is it?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Now on sale:" " Limited edition" " hand painted" " tin-foil sweaters" " autographed by" " Amerigo Vespucci." " Order now! they" " are going fast!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Gilligan you idiot!" " You just broke the" " ingenious device" " that the professor" " made out of palm" " leaves and coconuts" " that was going to" " get us off the" " island!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "And look! a gorilla" " just carried off" " MaryAnn, and the" " Howells have been" " taken by cannibals!" "The only thing that" " could make things" " worse is a freak" " hurricane!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Drip...Drip...Drip" "RRRUUMBLE!!!" "(assorted rain noises)" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Boot up Bob's" " 586W 128MHz" " 64RAM 2Gig IBM?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "This system has" " minimal pre-" " installed soft-" " ware." "DOS 5.x" "WINDOWS 85" "DOOM" " If you buy any" " new programs," " install them" " and play them" " here." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Hmmm..." " to start" " windows," " I type" " WIN." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "ERROR 16: computer" " unwilling to run" " windows." " User priveledges" " denied." "" "Scanning for windows" " related files." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "DOS must delete" " five randomly" " selected win-" " dows appli-" " cations to" " appease the" " motherboard" " and prevent" " damage to your" " HardDrive." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Deleting..." "Deleting..." "Deleting..." "Deleting..." "Deleting..." "Done." "" "C:\" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Im bored. I " " feel like " " playing" " DOOM." "Nothing like" " blood+guts" " to pass the" " time." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "-Shot Equipped-" "" "Boom! Boom! Splat!" "Bang! Bang! Squish!" "" "RRROOAR! Bang! " " Boom! Boom! Boom!" " Ka-Splatter!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Oh no! out of ammo!" "-Fist Equiped-" "" "RRROOAR! Punch!" " Punch! Punch!" "RRROOAR! Slash!" " Scream!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "E-Mail:" " Do da governmint" " annoy yall?" " Do ya wanna be" " able ta fire yo" " shotgun anytime" " anywhere at" " anyone? " " Do ya wanna get" " welfare but not" " hafta pay taxes?" "Then why dont" " yall come on" " down an join da" " millitia!" "" "" "" "" "" "E-Mail:" " This is a magical mystic" " E-Mail chain letter." "By downloading this letter" " you have brought upon" " yourself the curse of" " Spammon-Ra, the Egyptian" " Pharoah who first created" " this E-Mail on his abacus." "To dispell the curse, and" " bring good luck, send this" " letter to 15 friends." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "E-Mail:" " There are lots of" " nifty cheat codes" " in DireSPAM. To" " activate them," " hold ALT, and" " type in a phrase." " Of course, I am" " not going to tell" " you what those" " phrases are: you" " have to find them" " for yourself." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "If a fool like" " James Paige" " can program a" " nifty game" " like this, " " then program-" " ing must not" " be that hard." " I think Ill" " try it." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "If z(INT(x-1)+y)XOR 1 = 0 THEN" " If i=d THEN GOTO 1" " CALL r(x-i)" "END IF" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "AAAUGH! this" " is too con-" " fusing!" "I think Ill" " stick to" " playing" " computer" " games." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Hacking into the" " National Def-" " ence systems." "" "TRACKING CODE-" "..." "" "Done." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Scanning the" " President's" " personal files." "" "Dirty GIFs..." "Dirty GIFs..." "Dirty GIFs..." "E-Mail Chain Letter..." "More GIFs..." "DireSPAM CODES!!!" " -opening-" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "FILE PARTIALLY DAMMAGED" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "CIRCUS Mx@%T ;" "SPEND IT ~" " SPOT OF (+>" "CHOMES|` " "OE SM FO %" "PUNCH  " " W$ yH ," "H * " "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "SPAM: Spam is a" " spiffy meat by-" " product created" " by G.A.Hormel." "It is the chief" " import of the" " Hamster Republic" " and, since the" " independent rule" " of the Hamster " " Republic, SPAM" " has become the" " chief export of" " the United" " States." "" "" "" "" "" "While Most people still" " believe that SPAM is" " made out of pigs, most" " experts now concede" " that SPAM is made from" " a rare type of fish" " called a pavender." " Pavenders are indegen-" " ous only to central" " Wyoming, but several" " unsuccessfull attempts" " have been made to farm" " them here in the Ham-" " ster Republic." "" "" "" "" "" "" "AAAARRGH!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Now, give me the" " cheese, or Ill" " thwack you" " again!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "No! I will never" " surrender my" " cheese!" "SMOOSH!" "Ha!Ha! I destroy" " my creation" " with my final" " breath!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Oh no! He" " ruined my" " cheese!" "Now Spitter" " will make" " jelly" " filling" " out of me!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Wait a minute!" " What an idiot I" " am!" "This entire" " island is made" " of solid cheese!" "I didnt even have" " to waste my time" " in this stupid" " cave!" "All I have to do" " is rip a chunk" " off this wall." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" " Bob aquires:" " @Limburger" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "OOOooWheee!" " It stinks!" " How fetid!" " I cant wait" " to get rid" " of it!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Robert!" "Robert!" " Is that you!" " Did you bring" " any doughnuts?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "No, Auntie Lump," " I didnt get the" " dougnuts." "And PLEASE call" " me Bob." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "No doughnuts!?" " You arent" " earning your" " keep, Robert!" "Go clean your" " room!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "I already" " cleaned my" " room, Auntie" " Lump." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Then clean MY room" " Robert." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Robert, you" " look cold." "Go put on a" " sweater." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Im hungry," " Auntie Lump." " Is there" " anything" " good in the" " fridge?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Now, young" " man, You" " arent going" " to eat me" " out of " " house and" " home. My" " pension" " cant pay" " for an ap-" " atite like" " yours." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Dont take" " anything" " out of the" " fridge" " unless you" " put back" " a matching" " amount of" " sunflower" " seeds." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "How come we" " only get two" " channels on" " our TV?" "Why cant we" " get cable or" " a satalite" " dish?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "You lazy boy!" " you dont" " need to sit" " around in" " front of the" " TV all day." "Why dont you" " do something" " constructive" " with your" " time, like" " reading a" " book or " " taking a" " walk." "" "" "" "" "" "Auntie Lump," " where does" " the Eminent" " live?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Im surprised" " at you," " Robert! Dont" " you know" " anything" " about our" " fine country?" "The Eminent" " lives in the" " Royal Castle" " southeast of" " here." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "There seems" " to be some-" " thing wrong" " with the" " washing ma-" " chine." "It is bouncing" " and spitting" " water." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "I know. It has" " been doing that" " for days. I" " have no idea" " what is wrong" " with it." "Robert, I want" " you to call the" " appliance rep-" " airman as soon" " as the elec-" " trician fixes" " the phone." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Auntie Lump," " why do you" " constantly" " call me" " Robert? You" " know that I" " prefer Bob." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Robert is" " the name" " on your" " birth cer-" " tificate," " isnt it?" "I think its" " disrespec-" " table to" " have a " " nickname" " that is" " spelled " " the same" " backwards." "" "" "" "" "" "There is an" " inscription" " on this SPAM" " statue" "It reads..." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "SPAMMINUS SINE QUA NON" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "According to" " my book, this" " is Latin." "The phrase" " means..." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" " SPAM,THE ABSOLUTELY" " INDISPENSABLE" " CONDITION" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Hi, Bob!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Hi there." " Good to" " see you," " blah," " blah," " blah." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Isnt it a" " nice day" " etc." " etc." " etc." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "What is the best" " way to reach" " the Eminent's" " castle?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Well, I have never" " been there myself," " but I suppose that" " one would go by" " ship." "Ask around in the" " tavern." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Did I tell" " you that" " I saw a" " WereHam-" " ster here" " once?" "It was kind" " of scary." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Th-Thats nonsense!" " I dont b-belive in" " WereHamsters..." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Hi, Mister!" " how come you" " are so funny" " looking?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Why am I so" " funny look-" " ing?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Cause youre a" " grownup, and" " all grownups" " are dorks!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "You will be" " a grownup" " someday" " too, you" " know." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Will Not!" "Will Not!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Arent you" " supposed" " to be in" " school or" " something?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Cause Its" " SATURDAY!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "It is NOT," " you little" " ditcher!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Arent you" " supposed" " to be in" " bed or" " something?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "No! Im not" " sleepy!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "You are very" " rude. Put" " that tongue" " back in" " your mouth" " before I" " grab it and" " pull!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "PTHBpthbPTHBpthb!" " Nya! Nya! Nya!" "PTHBpthbPTHBpthb!" " you cant stop me!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Want Candy!" "Want Candy!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Sorry, kid," " I dont have" " any candy." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Even If I" " had any" " candy, do" " you think" " I would" " share it" " with a" " brat like" " you?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Youre a Dum-" " Dum head!" "" "Give me CANDY!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "I love candy as" " much as you do," " but did you know" " that too much " " candy can lead" " to tooth decay?" "" "Decay means 'rot'" " if you dont" " already know." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" " Rot?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "..." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Want Cookies!" "Want Cookies!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Sure, kid, " " here is" " some candy." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "NO! You bad person!" "" "Mommy said 'Never" " take candy from" " strangers' and" " YOU are a stranger!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Hey! Get out of" " my house! the" " store is closed!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Im trying to sleep here!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Cant a Hamster" " have a little" " privacy in his" " own home!?!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Greetings, Bob." " Have you been" " eating your" " carbohydrates?" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Try to eat lots of" " carrots. Some studies" " suggest that carrots" " can help heal even" " the most severe wounds." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Not only are sunflower" " seeds the national" " currency of the Hamster" " Republic, they also" " make a tasty snack!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "So, next time someone tells" " you to put your money where" " your mouth is, take them" " quite literally!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "SPAM is perhaps the spiffyest" " of all foods. It contains" " the protien you need for" " strength and good reflexes." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Ooh! What a delecacy!" " Few Hamsters ever get" " to taste SpicySPAM." " It is said to extend" " one's lifespan." "No joke!" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "Coffee tastes a bit" " bitter, but it really" " perks you up when you" " are feeling groggy." "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" ""