{"id":25,"date":"2005-05-09T13:44:47","date_gmt":"2005-05-09T21:44:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hamsterrepublic.com\/james\/?p=25"},"modified":"2007-10-11T15:33:58","modified_gmt":"2007-10-11T22:33:58","slug":"i-was-bitten-by-a-lemur","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/?p=25","title":{"rendered":"I was bitten by a Lemur"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in so long. I was bitten by a lemur<\/a>. (Actually, to be perfectly correct, it was an Aye-aye<\/a>, which is a species of small extra-ugly Lemur) Anyway, I spent the last week sick in bed, until last night, the lemur venom had finally worked its way through my system, and at the stroke of midnight, I became a were-lemur. I now spend most of my time gnawing on tree branches, or probing for grubs with my elongated middle finger. Mmm, grubs. Can’t get enough of those grubs! I don’t understand why lemur cuisine has not caught on in California. I think a big plate of those healthy sweet green grubs would sell really well around here, especially if you labeled them low carb<\/em>, which would be true. Grubs are high in protein, but don’t have a lot of carbs. I think the whole anti-carb diet fad thing is really silly, but hey, whatever helps me sell grubs is okay by me.<\/p>\n

Speaking of diet fads, anybody care to bet on which will be the next one? Ever since I was like five years old, I remember hearing about various diet fads. The first one I remember was the sugar-is-evil<\/strong> fad, which basically said that if you ever eat one whole tablespoon of sugar in a single sitting, you will go directly to hell. And also there was the ever-popular meat-is-evil<\/strong> fad, and then the fat-is-evil<\/strong> fad, which was eventually replaced by the oops-sorry-we-were-wrong-only-SATURATED-fat-is-evil<\/strong> fad, and then the cholesterol-is-evil<\/strong> fad, and then the bad-cholesterol-is-bad-but-good-cholesterol-is-good<\/strong> fad, and the anything-that-isn’t-protein-is-evil<\/strong> fad, which quickly evolved into the carbohydrates-are-evil<\/strong> fad. There were others, but I think those were the main ones. Also, I do remember that every so often I would see a news bit on the television where some heretic would say “Hey, eating whatever the heck you want in moderation<\/strong> along with regular exercise<\/strong> is all you need”<\/em>, and everybody would nod sagaciously and agree that it was common sense, and then everyone would instantaneously forget about it, and go back to obsessing over the latest fad. Anyway, I sense that the carb fad is losing it’s steam, so I am wondering what is going to be next. My guess is moisture. I think that the next fad will be the dehydration diet<\/strong>, which states as undisputable clinical fact that all dietary ill-health, including obesity, fatness, pudgyness, overweightness, and I-could-stand-to-lose-five-poundsness are all caused by water. After all, the human body is over 80 percent water by volume, and as anyone can see, that is way too much!<\/em> The object of the dehydration diet is to consume as little moisture as possible, without actually killing yourself. Some examples of fine dehydro cuisine include; raw flour, uncooked rice, powdered beef jerky, minced bay leaves, and orange-peel shavings.<\/em> A dehydro feast might consist of all of those ingredients, mixed together, sifted, freeze-dried, vacuum-packed, and served cold (hot food can cause mousture to condense from the air, and is therefore unacceptable.) I predict that dehydro will be all the rage in California by the middle of 2006.<\/p>\n

In the mean time, I am going to go figure out how to make grub-jerky.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in so long. I was bitten by a lemur. (Actually, to be perfectly correct, it was an Aye-aye, which is a species of small extra-ugly Lemur) Anyway, I spent the last week sick in bed, until last night, the lemur venom had finally worked its way through my system, and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nonsense"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}