{"id":38,"date":"2005-05-31T13:25:18","date_gmt":"2005-05-31T21:25:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hamsterrepublic.com\/james\/?p=38"},"modified":"2007-10-11T15:35:28","modified_gmt":"2007-10-11T22:35:28","slug":"two-pegs-two-hooks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/?p=38","title":{"rendered":"Two Pegs, Two Hooks"},"content":{"rendered":"

Current mood: Piratey<\/em><\/p>\n

So I was killing time, waiting for my ship, and I went into this dockside tavern, and ordered a tankard of grog. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of this salty old sea-dog with two peg legs, two hooks, and an eyepatch. I picked up my grog, and went over and sat next to him.<\/p>\n

I’ll bet you have some good stories to tell.<\/em> I said to him.<\/p>\n

Arrrr!<\/em> says he. That I do.<\/em><\/p>\n

So I ask, How did you lose your legs and arms?<\/em><\/p>\n

He lifts his right peg leg, and says; Arrrr! This leg be the first limb I lost. When I was young, I were a whole man, and I sailed with Capt’n Shoat. I remember it well, I do. It were in a fierce sea-battle against Capt’n No-Beard’s frigate. A piece of grape-shot came across the deck, and clipped me leg out from underneath me!<\/em><\/p>\n

Wow.<\/em> I said.<\/p>\n

The old pirate continued. Arrr. It were seven years later that I lost me hand!<\/em> He brandished the shiny hook on his left wrist. I was in Madagascar, dueling across the beach man-to-man against the notorious Red Robert Blarg, and me peg leg sunk into the soft sand, and I lost me balance, and Red Robert, he with one deft chop, disarmed me!<\/em><\/p>\n

Disarmed you, Haha! I get it!<\/em> I laughed.<\/p>\n

But the old pirate scowled, and barked Arrr! It be not funny, lad! I was maimed fer life, i were!<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m sorry! I thought you wre making a joke.<\/em> I said, embarrased. Do go on with your story…<\/em> I said humbly.<\/p>\n

Arrr.<\/em> mumbled the pirate, and he shifted himself in his seat, and then went on. So I thought I would give up piracy, and take up a safer trade instead. So I became a whaler.<\/em><\/p>\n

A Whaler?<\/em> I asked.<\/p>\n

Aye.<\/em> said he, A whaler. But one day we encountered the White Whale; Moby Dick! He saw me peg leg, and took me fer Capt’n Ahab, and capsized the long-boat to get at me. Before me mates could pull be back aboard the ship, the White Whale had bitten off me other leg!<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh…<\/em> I said solemnly.<\/p>\n

Then he raised his other hook, on his right hand. This one was cleverly wedged through the handle of his tankard of rum. This hand,<\/em> said he, this hand I lost to a woman. Black Flag Betsy, only daughter o’ the corrupt magistrate of the Isle of Blood. A fierce woman was she! A head o hair, red like fire, and a heart full o’ fire as well… I met her in an Ale-house in Bermuda, and well… Let’s us just say she didn’t take lightly to being treated like a wench. I put my hand where I ought not have, and I lost it for my trouble! I’ll say no more of her, for it pains me heart to think of her.<\/em><\/p>\n

I was silent for a while, sipping on my grog, and thinking about the pirate’s tales. Finally i said One last question: How did you lose your eye?<\/em>. I pointed at the patch over his left eye.<\/p>\n

Arrrr…<\/em> sighed the pirate. He sounded disappointed. You can tell, can ye? I thought it were so realistic.<\/em> He reached up with his free hook and popped out his right eye. It rolled across the table. It be made of wood.<\/em> said he. I lost it last month, right here in this tavern. I was deep in my rum, and I went to scratch me nose, and missed, and gouged out my own eye. Arrr! What a clumsy fool I be!<\/em><\/p>\n

I was shocked. But… but… What about the other eye!<\/em> I exclaimed, What about the one under the eye-patch!?<\/em><\/p>\n

Arrr!<\/em> said the pirate with a smile. That be me good eye! I wears the patch to protect it while I’m drinking!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Current mood: Piratey So I was killing time, waiting for my ship, and I went into this dockside tavern, and ordered a tankard of grog. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of this salty old sea-dog with two peg legs, two hooks, and an eyepatch. I picked up my grog, and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-38","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nonsense","category-pirates"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=38"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=38"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=38"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/james.hamsterrepublic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=38"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}