Archive for the ‘rambling’ Category

Piracy and Fan-Subs

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on September 13th, 2005

Current mood: bold

Today I watched a pirate copy of Final Fantasy Advent Children. I won’t provide any spoilers (you can find those yourself easily enough if you want), but I will say that I enjoyed it, and if it ever makes its way to US theaters, I will revel in the opportunity to see it on a big screen. I also intend to drag Non-Final-Fantasy-Fans with me to see it, as I am really curious how people who don’t already know the characters will take it. I don’t believe the story will be confusing to people who have never played the game, but I do wonder how people will react to the large cast of strange characters who appear suddenly with little or no introduction.

The english fansub was difficult to find, and I had to use VLC to view it with subtitles, because mplayer couldn’t do it. The fansub was very high quality. A testament to the skill of volunteer translators.

That reminded me of something I had seen recently, an example of a remarkably bad fansub; of Star Wars Episode III. Apparently somebody made a literal english translation of a Chinese sub, with hilarious results. Visit: http://www.winterson.com/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html for screenshots of episode iii, the backstroke of the west

You cannot miss such fantastic lines as:

Obi-Wan: “Like, reach the man, Good good good let us counter-attacking”

Anakin: “Giving first aid the already disheveled hair projection”

Palpatine: “Then his land killed him to let him go to bed”

or my personal favorite:

Anakin: “I was just made by the Presbyterian Church”

The Third Eye

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on September 12th, 2005

Current mood: triple

The third eye is a symbol of enlightenment.
The third eye is a mark of inner vision.
The third eye is a center of chakra.
The third eye can see things that mortal eyes miss.
The third eye never blinks.
Third Eye Blind is a band.
The third eye can shoot deadly red lasers.
Glasses for the third eye are hella expensive…
…because the frames have to be special-ordered.
It is best to just buy two pairs of contact lenses…
…and throw away the extra one.
or keep it as a spare, whatever.
You don’t have to throw it away.

Rebooting amidst a game of Freecell

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on September 3rd, 2005

Current mood: Ruefull

I must confess…

I have done a terrible thing, and I humble myself here before God and man and myspace to try and make amends. Last night, my friend Ryda was playing a game of Freecell on my computer, and I carelessly rebooted the computer, not thinking for a moment about the consequences. Those dreadful consequences! Yes, it is true. Her half-finished Freecell game was lost! Lost forever!

*hangs head and crys*

Not being a Freecell player myself, I failed to understand the deep emotional attachment that a true Freecell player feels towards each and every game they play. It is a spiritual bond. A connection of the hearts (spades, etcetera). I severed this bond without mercy, and for this I deserve scorn. Yes, scorn!

Every time a Freecell player clicks to deal a new deck, it is like they fall in love. And each card they drag, each card they drop, is like the joys and travails, the successes and the failures of life itself. And each time they win a game, it is a mixture of profound satisfaction mixed with bittersweet sorrow at the parting of a beloved friend. This is the game that I interrupted. I am filled with shame. Ryda has played many games of Freecell before, and she will doubtless play many more to come, but that one game shall never be finished. That one game will never have closure. It will forever be a Freecell-shaped scar on Ryda’s soul, and I fear there is nothing I can ver do to heal it.

Forgive me Ryda, I beg of you! Forgive me!


The King of Diamonds Sez:

A Steady Stream of Imps

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on August 29th, 2005

Current mood: Dreaming


I returned to my home a different person than when I left. I was now old and bent, and white whiskers floated around my chin. My right eye had been replaced with a magical green one.

I saw many people that I had once known gathered on the seats of the great meeting hall, listening to the mayor speak, but they did not smile and greet me, even if they did seem to recognise me. I suppose that many had taken my long absence for an abandonment.

The people were gathered and the mayor was speaking in the meeting hall for a reason. Into the back door of the hall, and out of the side door, moved a steady stream of Imps. Each was about 20 centimeters tall, reddish of flesh and yellowish of clothing, and they danced along in the stiff way of creatures crudely built and badly jointed. I looked out the back door, and saw them approach down the long hallway, grouped in pairs. The two of each pair were spaced about a meter apart, one in front of the other, and each pair was spaced about five or six meters apart. They danced through the door, around the perimmeter of the room, oblivious to the room-full of people who stared at them bitterly, then they pranced out the side door. The side door led into a dark tunnel cut at a gently sloping angle down into the earth. At the end of this tunnel was a great pit from which red light glowed, and situated over this pit was a small platform suspended by ropes from a pulley on the ceiling. A mass of gears and wheels and engines were hidden in the recesses of the tunnel, and they provided the mechanation to raise and lower this platform. When a pair of Imps would reach the end of the tunnel, they would each snatch a whole chicken (nearly as large as themselves!) from an inexaustable bin of chickens, and hop onto the platform. The weight of two Imps plus two chickens would trigger the mechanism, and the engines would chug, and the platform would suddenly drop out of sight, returning empty in time for the next pair of Imps.

The people in the meeting hall had been debating these Imps ever since they appeared, though I could not tell exactly how long that had been. I had arrived on just the right evening to see them enact a new measure to stop them. I sat in my place, and watched as everyone else did, as the mayor threw a switch and activated a new device that had been recently and secretly constructed to stop the Imps.

The first of a pair of Imps walked across a special place on the floor near the wall, and a huge piston shot down from the ceiling, timed perfectly to crush the second Imp like an insect. As the second imp was crushed, the evil fire that animated him escaped in a little yellow puff, which ignited the clothing of the first Imp, and by the time he was exiting the side door he was engulfed in flames, and nothing but a wisp of black ashes ever reached the inexaustable bin of whole chickens at the end of the tunnel. The next pair of Imps was dispatched in the same way, and the next, and the next. They died like clockwork mice being devoured by a clockwork cat.

The people in the meeting hall were overjoyed, and there was a murmuring of approval. This fantastic system of mechanically crushing and burning the Imps was certain to once and for all put a stop to their endless theft of whole chickens, and would certainly also inhibit whatever evil purpose the chickens might be being put to deep beneath the ground. Anything the dark forces would need to provide that much food to could only spell trouble for humans in the long run.

Everything seemed to be going well, when suddenly some beings who were not Imps burst through the back door, each carrying a different type of black box, and slammed the door shut behind themselves. One of the strangers, a man who carried a larger black box than the others, raised his box to his eye, and aimed a disc on the opposite end of the box around the room, at the mayor, at the steaming pile of crushed Imp, at various people. Another of the strangers stepped out with her black box at arm’s length and began asking a series of angry and provocative questions, without waiting for answers.

I, and several others immediately rose to move these strangers out of the way of the door, for they were blocking the passage of the Imps into our killing-trap. One could see the Imps building up in a heap atop one another through the crack in the door. They did not have enough of a mind among them to deviate from their paths, they could only push against the door and expect it to open.

The third intruder, defending the other strangers, leaped through the air, and wrapped himself around my shoulders, and for a moment I wrestled him before I was able to lift him and throw him atop one of the strangers, who he then wrestled with as vigorously as he had with me. Despite his human head and face, he did not seem to have a human mind or human intellegence to him.

Finally, after much confusion, the strangers were cleared from the room. Many of the people had gone after them, and I was left with only a few others to survey the wrecked metting hall. Our Imp-crushing piston machine had been destroyed in the fight, and now the door buldged and trembled with the surging mass of Imps in the hallway, pushing to get through.

I idly stood by the smear of crushed Imps on the floor beneath the now-stilled piston. They were so completely crushed, and there was so little inside their hollow shells except magic, that even after all the Imps that had been crushed, there were only enough scrapings to half-fill a bucket. I did notice one larger fragment, that had been thrown some distance when an Imp was crushed. It was an Imp’s claw, with it’s three fingers still twitching and clutching a small slip of card paper. I picked up the claw and the paper. The claw was red and smooth, and the backs of the fingers felt like the shells of beetles. I thought of how much Imps were like insects, just inflated to larger sizes and given proportions faces and clothing that were a sick parody of the shape of man. The piece of paper was a ticket. It was light-blue in color and had some runes printed on one side of it, saying something to the effect of “Work Ticket: 1 Whole Chicken”. I realized that I had noticed before that all the Imps carried such a ticket, but I had payed no attention then.

I was unsure what to do with the claw, so I carried it with me. I walked to the side door, and down the dark tunnel, treading in Imp-ashes. I reached the end, and looked curiously at the mechanized platform, and the red glow that came from far beneath it. Why not send the Imp’s claw back down there were it belongs? I mused. I took the claw, broke the larger of the three fingers away from the smaller two, and then tossed the pieces lightly onto the platform. It did not move. I then tore the Imp’s work-ticket in two, and let them drift down to the platform. Still, the platform did not move. I stared at it for a moment, and then reached down, and exerted downward pressure on the platform with my hand. When I reached the ammount of force that was probably equal to one whole chicken, the engines behind me clicked, and whirred, and the platform dropped out of sight.

Dusting off my hands, I started back up the tunnel. Up by the door I saw an alarming sight. It seems that the crowd of Imps had finally broken through the back door and had come flooding into the meeting hall, and they would now be pouring down the tunnel towards me in an impenetrable mass, were it not for the inititive of two small children. Just inside the tunnel, less than a meter from the door was a big metal plate in the floor. These children had lifted this plate, and had exposed a cluster of spinning gears which were part of the engine mechanism. As the stream of Imps entered the tunnel, they fell into this opening, and were ground up by the gears. However, the Imps were coming too fast, and had began to build up in the opening. I ran to the children, and helped them stomp down the Imps, putting pressure on the seething mass in an attempt to force them through the grinding gears faster.

When the last of the flood of Imps was in the hole, the two children leaped over the hole, and ran accross the meeting hall to safety. I also leaped across, but turned back to continue forcing the imps into the gears. I had to do this carefully, for the ones near the top bit and clawed and struggled, and if I pushed too hard or too deep, I risked getting my own hand caught in the whirring gears.

Suddenly, a sound came from the far end of the tunnel. The platform was back in its waiting position, and the red glow beneath it flickered brighter and brighter, climbing to a yellow glare.

Something was coming up the shaft.

I instantly regretted sending down the broken claw and the torn ticket. A break in the flow of Imps and whole chickens could be explained in any number of ways, and the dark powers would not be too worried about it, nor too swift in investigating. However, a purposefully broken Imp claw, and an evenly torn work-ticket could only have been taken as a message– a threat– a defiance, by whatever denzien of the darkness was down there on the receiving end of the platform. Something was coming up the shaft, and I had a terrible feeling that it was not just coming up to investigate, not just coming to wreck revenge, but that it knew very precisely what specific hand had broken that Imp’s claw and what had had torn that ticket, and that it was coming up for ME.

I grabed handfuls of Imps and Imp-fragments from the top of the gear-pit and tossed them down the tunnel, until the floor was soon littered with tottering squeaking Imps. I hoped this might confuse or slow the attackers just a little, but I did not put much hope in it.

I fled the tunnel, fled the meeting hall, ran down the stairs to the courtyard, and did not turn around until I was outside. many other people were there, percieving that some evil was approaching from within, they were preparing to fight, and I stood ready with them. I had my own ways of fighting, my own magic powers, but they were limited. I found myself wishing I knew how to throw fireballs or lightening bolts, rather than the simple spells I knew that all required me to touch my foes with my bare hands.

And there at the top of the stairs, the doorway to the meeting hall was for an instant filled with moving shapes, which resolved themselves into fiercly armed goblins, and many many screaming Imps that danced about their feet and poured down the stairs like rats.

The goblins parted, and three blue-robed gremlins walked past them and surveyed the humans waiting for them below. One was clearly the leader. His robes were finer and bluer, and his head was much bigger, and he wore a wild pointed hat. His face was greatly covered in yellow scars. His left eye, a small, round, green, magical eye stared arrogantly down, but his right eye did nothing, for it was not there at all. A big black patch covered the socket from whence I had stolen his right eye, the last time I had faced him. His left eye glanced upon my face, and he smirked evily, as if to say he had known he would find me here.

Snakes!

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on August 22nd, 2005

Current mood: Slithery

I used to be mortally afraid of snakes. When I was 7 years old, I lived in an area where rattlesnakes were common, and I would lay awake at night in fear thinking about them. I had recurring nightmares about snakes coming out of the ground. Just looking at them gave me shivers– even on TV, when the actual physical snake was nowhere near me.

I few years ago, I took the first step on my road to recovery from snake-o-phobia, by watching numerous episodes of Crocodile Hunter. Steve Erwin’s casual attitude toward snakes was fascinating, and although at first I had to sit very far away from the TV, I gradually got over my fear of looking at snakes, and began to recognize them as beautiful.

The first time I ever held a snake was a few months ago, on State Street in Santa Barbara where people from the Santa Barbara Snake Rescue organization were showing snakes. I was a little nervous, but the snakes were just so fascinating, I couldn’t help but enjoy them.

This weekend I went to the same place, and they were there again. I spend even longer playing with the snakes than I did last time. Holding a garter snake and an albino corn snake at the same time, I felt the last tiny shred of fear melt away, and I decided that I love snakes. Snakes are cuddly. When you hold them, they can’t even move without hugging you.

If you are afraid of snakes, and run the other way at the sight of them, you don’t know what you are missing. If you live in the area, go spend a Sunday afternoon in Santa Barbara, and see and feel for yourself. If you live elsewhere, ask a reptile-savvy friend to help you, or if you don’t know anyone, go to a pet store and pretend to shop.

I wonder why I was afraid of snakes in the first place? Sure there was the poison thing, But even when I knew for certain that a specific snake was harmless, I was still afraid of it, against all rationality. Why? I am guessing that maybe a deeper reason for fearing all snakes was because they seemed magical. Lacking limbs, the just seem to propel themselves along by sheer force of will, which is unnerving. Only when you actually hold a snake, and feel its muscles push gently against your skin, do you start to understand how it moves, and once you understand it, it ceases to be a part of the unknown, and therefore ceases to be frightening.

Share A Meal of Kittens With A Friend

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on June 26th, 2005

Deluge

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on May 23rd, 2005

Early saturday morning, my sleep was disturbed by the sound of my roommate taking a shower, very loudly. Why did she have to turn the water on full-blast? I wondered to myself, rolling over and falling back asleep.

A little later, I awoke again, and thought, I didn’t know we had that much water pressure! I never turn the water all the way up when I take a shower.

A little later, I wondered; Has she run out of hot water yet?, but I mentally shrugged it off, and went back to sleep.

A little later, I awoke again, and thought; Geez… I really need to use the bathroom… I hope she finishes soon.

I didn’t quite fall back asleep, but I waited awhile. I heard the sound of water splashing on the floor. What is she doing? I wondered, and I finally got out of bed, hopped down to the floor, and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

Then I stopped, puzzled. The bathroom door was wide open… and the lights were off… and yes, my feet were wet.

Ryda was, of course, not taking a shower at all, but still asleep in her own bed. The loud shower-like noises were coming from above the ceiling. Water was pouring down from the light fixtures– both the one in the bathroom, and the one in the hallway.

crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap I said, and rushed back to my room for my shoes, and then ran upstairs. My upstairs neigbor’s front door was wide open, and I called “Hello!” as I entered. I already had a pretty good idea what was going on. This same neighbor had a leak once before a year ago, which dripped into my bathroom and ruined my light fixture… although this leak seemed a bit more severe…

Water was already spilling out into his living room, soaking the carpet. I waded upstream and found him in his bathroom with a big plastic waste-bin, trying to catch water that was coming out from under his sink. Not just a little leak. This was more along the lines of a firehose. I have seen rivers* that carried more water than this. He was trying to catch the water in the waste-bin and dump it down the tub, but given the volume of water that was blasting out from under the sink, this effort was about as effective as trying to juggle swimming pools.

I hurried back downstairs to call the landlord, and found Ryda awake, and rushing to put plastic over the TV and move the gaming-consoles to high ground.

I will spare you the details, but by that afternoon most of our posessions were packed away in a big pile in a neighboring apartment, and our apartment was a barren soggy empty place with bare carpetless floors, slowing drying in the heat of the day. A few things got water-damaged, but not too many things, and not too badly.

So for a week or so until the new carpet goes in, I will be enjoying the pleasant, but non-internet-connected hospitality of my Aunt and Uncle. Fortunately, I have internet at work, so I can continue to regularly feed my myspace addiction ;)

* That river hyperbole really isn’t saying all that much. Here in semi-arid California, a river is any place where a large amount of water has flowed at some point in recent geological history, say, at least once since the end of the last Ice Age

Thousand Lotus Blossom Death-Beak Strike!

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on May 13th, 2005

Current mood: Optimistic


Tomorrow night, I am going to go to the Ninja Penguin tangible art show. I am hoping it is the sort of art show likely to degenerate into a party. I will write later about whether or not it was spiffy, and if so, how spiffy.

Flying Dream

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on May 10th, 2005

Current mood: Stable


I had an awesome “flying” dream last night. I was in this place where it was nighttime-dark with tall leafless haunted-house-ish trees, three or four times taller than any real trees ever get, and in the midst of them was a giant ferris-wheel on the top of a pole (the ferris wheel was normal sized, but the bottom was ridiculously high off the ground) And I was flying around above it, and there was wind and lightening, and then the ferris-wheel slowly toppled and fell down between the trees (I don’t remember anyone being on it) and it was so vivid, and the feel of the motion, and the wind was so real, and I really felt the g-forces when I changed direction, and it was soo cool that I found myself throwing my hands up in the air and screaming like you do on a roller-coaster… and at that instant I realized I was sitting in the dark in a movie-theatre, watching it all, and my friends who were on the right and left of me laughed at me, and then threw their hands in the air too and screamed mockingly, which was embarrassing.

Vacationing

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on April 29th, 2005

Current mood: 15% More Stressed than Usual


Just so my millions and millions of nonexistant imaginary blog readers don’t worry about me, I will not have internet access for about a week because I am traveling to a strange foreign land on a quest to prevent an evil man with a handlebar moustache and a top hat from tying this house to the railroad tracks. When I catch him he will no doubt laugh maniacally, and twist the aforementioned moustache between his thumb and forefinger, and then I shall punch him in the nose and save the day. Whether or not the house will consent to give me its hand in holy matrimony is entirely up to her (the house)