James Paige

Current mood: Wise

1. In the first year of the third millinia in the Year of Our Lord, Anno Domino two-thousand-and-one, the Angel of Server Naming Schemes appeared to the Prophet James in a dream and spake to him concerning the naming of servers and workstations, giving unto him the guidance by which servers and workstations would be named in the Kingdom of The Network. And he spake thusly forbidding first the Giving Of Bad Names;
2. Thou shalt in no wise name thy computers for the person who shall use them, for no mortal man may know the future, and the comings and goings of employees, and the changing of their desks and the shifting of their purposes. The computer which upon the morning has been apportioned to Bob in Marketing, when the sun sets shall be used by Frank from Legal. He who names a computer for a person implies a false similitude between human and computer, and makes a mockery of the name of both.
3. Thou shalt in no wise name thy computers for the function they perform, for the very nature of a computer is versatility. Can not the computer designated for e-mail also printeth labels? Can not the server unto which is apportioned the serving of webpages serveth also network applications? He who names a computer for an action implies that the purpose of the computer cannot be changed. This is falsehood.
4. Thou shalt in no wise name thy computers for the location in which they abide, for a network taketh away great distance, and the location of a system matters not. He who names a system for its location denies the Transparency of the Network
5. Thou shalt in no wise name thy computers using numbers for this is dull in the sight of Heaven, and leadeth down the path of ambiguous names. He who nameth with numbers shall be cursed so that he shall have to remember what each of them means. This is no better than the rote memorization of IP addresses, as the heathens do.
6. And the Prophet James trembled in fear, for he had done all of these things, having already broken every one of these Commandments long before the Angel had spoken them, and he cried out in a loud voice, saying; Woe unto me! How then am I to be saved?

The Apocryphal Writings of James – Chapter 4 verses 18 thru 23

Current mood: Stable

I had an awesome “flying” dream last night. I was in this place where it was nighttime-dark with tall leafless haunted-house-ish trees, three or four times taller than any real trees ever get, and in the midst of them was a giant ferris-wheel on the top of a pole (the ferris wheel was normal sized, but the bottom was ridiculously high off the ground) And I was flying around above it, and there was wind and lightening, and then the ferris-wheel slowly toppled and fell down between the trees (I don’t remember anyone being on it) and it was so vivid, and the feel of the motion, and the wind was so real, and I really felt the g-forces when I changed direction, and it was soo cool that I found myself throwing my hands up in the air and screaming like you do on a roller-coaster… and at that instant I realized I was sitting in the dark in a movie-theatre, watching it all, and my friends who were on the right and left of me laughed at me, and then threw their hands in the air too and screamed mockingly, which was embarrassing.

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in so long. I was bitten by a lemur. (Actually, to be perfectly correct, it was an Aye-aye, which is a species of small extra-ugly Lemur) Anyway, I spent the last week sick in bed, until last night, the lemur venom had finally worked its way through my system, and at the stroke of midnight, I became a were-lemur. I now spend most of my time gnawing on tree branches, or probing for grubs with my elongated middle finger. Mmm, grubs. Can’t get enough of those grubs! I don’t understand why lemur cuisine has not caught on in California. I think a big plate of those healthy sweet green grubs would sell really well around here, especially if you labeled them low carb, which would be true. Grubs are high in protein, but don’t have a lot of carbs. I think the whole anti-carb diet fad thing is really silly, but hey, whatever helps me sell grubs is okay by me.

Speaking of diet fads, anybody care to bet on which will be the next one? Ever since I was like five years old, I remember hearing about various diet fads. The first one I remember was the sugar-is-evil fad, which basically said that if you ever eat one whole tablespoon of sugar in a single sitting, you will go directly to hell. And also there was the ever-popular meat-is-evil fad, and then the fat-is-evil fad, which was eventually replaced by the oops-sorry-we-were-wrong-only-SATURATED-fat-is-evil fad, and then the cholesterol-is-evil fad, and then the bad-cholesterol-is-bad-but-good-cholesterol-is-good fad, and the anything-that-isn’t-protein-is-evil fad, which quickly evolved into the carbohydrates-are-evil fad. There were others, but I think those were the main ones. Also, I do remember that every so often I would see a news bit on the television where some heretic would say “Hey, eating whatever the heck you want in moderation along with regular exercise is all you need”, and everybody would nod sagaciously and agree that it was common sense, and then everyone would instantaneously forget about it, and go back to obsessing over the latest fad. Anyway, I sense that the carb fad is losing it’s steam, so I am wondering what is going to be next. My guess is moisture. I think that the next fad will be the dehydration diet, which states as undisputable clinical fact that all dietary ill-health, including obesity, fatness, pudgyness, overweightness, and I-could-stand-to-lose-five-poundsness are all caused by water. After all, the human body is over 80 percent water by volume, and as anyone can see, that is way too much! The object of the dehydration diet is to consume as little moisture as possible, without actually killing yourself. Some examples of fine dehydro cuisine include; raw flour, uncooked rice, powdered beef jerky, minced bay leaves, and orange-peel shavings. A dehydro feast might consist of all of those ingredients, mixed together, sifted, freeze-dried, vacuum-packed, and served cold (hot food can cause mousture to condense from the air, and is therefore unacceptable.) I predict that dehydro will be all the rage in California by the middle of 2006.

In the mean time, I am going to go figure out how to make grub-jerky.