James Paige

Siiiiiizle! Siiiiiiizle! I am the high priest of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Cooked-At-Less-Than-144-Degrees-Fahrenheit. I am here to decry the heinous heresy against my dark and salty master.

(Windows Version) (Mac Version) (OUYA Console Version) (Zip File)

The blasphemer who created this game has updated it yet again! That makes twice in one month, and now this farce contains even more Hamster-Triumphing-Over-Bacon mockery.

I was willing to overlook the old 2009 version of this game, since its lack of a real save-game feature made it unlikely that any player would progress far enough to permit the player to complete the desecration of the image of my Thinly-Sliced-Pork-Lord.

Here is a short list of the new outrages committed by the new version of this game:

=NEW FEATURES=
Save-game support!
Sound Effects
Different colors for each floor
Now has a “good ending” and a “bad ending” depending on whether you save-scum
You can make donations from the main menu

=NEW ITEMS=
Chalk (draw permanent marks on the floor)
Jiffy Potion (fast walking for a limited time)
Scroll of Repel (drive away enemies for a limited time)
Maul of Wall-Whacking (breaks cracked walls)
Scroll of Telepo (Teleport)
Wavy Sword

=NEW ENEMIES=
Monocular Blarb
Meat Man
Crypt Yuk
Jelly Coiler
Doom Sponge

=BALANCE=
Rebalanced enemies (slightly easier)
Buffed the Scroll of Burning
Slightly reduced the size of the two largest dungeon levels
Fixed Soma potion to work properly

Please join me in NOT playing this game.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 23rd, 2013 at 11:49 am and is filed under games, hamster, nonsense. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.