Archive for July, 2005

Midnight Complexion (Artwork)

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on July 26th, 2005

Current mood: Aware
Paint brushes frighten me. I am used to pencils and pens. Those are solid; they don’t squish and deform when you press them against a surface.

But in spite of my brushphobia, I am fascinated by painting, so when I had a free afternoon last week, I went to the Apple Barrel and purchased the biggest canvas they had and a couple cheap brushes. Then I went to Rural King a bought three cans of latex house paint and a drop-cloth.

I spread out my art supplies on the porch and opened a bag of ice (it was hot out there), and painted for about two-and-a-half-hours.

She isn’t anyone in particular, althought I will admit that her right eye is Ryda’s (and Ryda will kill me for saying that)

As a final note; while I was working on this painting, I came up with a Theory of Art

Creating art is the inverse complement of learning. When you learn, you take a part of reality, and you create a working representation of it in your mind. When you create art, you take something that exists in your mind, and you build a physical representation of it in the real world.

Take that with a grain of salt ;

Danielle (Artwork)

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on July 22nd, 2005

As I was sitting this morning eating Blinnerunchfast* this morning, I was reflecting on the difficulty involved in drawing really beautiful noses. I drew this caricature of my friend Danielle, and was frustrated by the number of times I had to erase and re-draw her nose. Unattractive noses are easy to draw. You simply pick the most obviously wrong feature of an unattractive nose, and exagerate it, and the nose simply looks right. A beautiful nose, on the other hand, needs to be just right, and if you do the tiniest thing wrong, it shows. In the end I usually give up, and end up over-simplifying beautiful noses. By going minimalist (notice the complete lack of nostrils?) I reduce the number of errors that I as the artist can introduce into the nose, and I trust the viewer the fill in the rest of the beautiful nose with a suitable one from their imagination.

If you have never seen a beautiful nose, and are unable to imagine one, then you have my pity, but I can do nothing to help you today.

*Blinnerunchfast: A meal that can only be properly eaten by time-travellers. It starts out like brunch, turns into dinner, then goes back to lunch again, and finishes up with a little more breakfast.NOTE: This picture uses PNG transparency, so if you are using Internet Explorer, you will see a big unsightly black box around this picture. Just another reason you should be using Mozilla Firefox instead!

Fireflies and Shed-Bulldozing

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on July 19th, 2005

Current mood: Humidified

I am currently in Tennessee. For those of you who have never been here, it is just like California, except with more trees, more grass, more humidity, and a whole lot less everything else. For those of you who have never been to California, that comparison is useless. For those of you who are from California, that comparison is probably still useless.

I guess a better way to put it is this;

They have fireflies here. You drive down the road, and you can see them winking on and then off again among the plants growing at the side of the road. I like to imagine that they are greeting the car’s headlights, which they might have mistaken for their long lost king and queen.

A possum ran across the road in front of me. I am happy to say that I missed him. Sadly, I cannot say the same of about 30 percent the frogs that have tried the same stunt this week.

The sky has been unapollogetically rainey and wet this week. When I look out the window, I expect it to be cold, but it isn’t. It is hot outside, pretty much all the time. This is widely agreed to be an unpleasant thing, but actually I think it is not so bad. Sure, the shock of walking from an excessively air-conditioned room into the hot humid outdoors isn’t very nice, but once you get use to the outside air– and as long as you know a shower is waiting for you when you go back inside– it can be quite pleasant.

This picture is my house. The bushes out front are gone now, already rooted-up. Don’t feel bad for them. They were nicer bushes in the picture than they were in real life.

In the back is a lop-sided shed, another lop-sided shed, and a garage which, while not lop-sided, is certainly thinking about lopping. They will be torn down this week, and I get to stand by and watch. It is very important that I be present for this occasion, because there is a middling chance that one of the sheds has Pirate Treasure hidden in the roof. I am a little worried about how to fend off the Vengeful Zombie Pirate Skeletons which will no doubt leap out to guard it, but the demolition guys will have a bulldozer, and I think Sam (my contractor) is going to be bringing a chainsaw, so I think we can take them.

If all goes well, I will bring home a gold doubloon for each of you.

Trading my Death in for a Puppy (Need Advice!)

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on July 15th, 2005

Current mood: Delighted

I have recently come in to a nearly limitless supply of DEATH.

Yes, that is right! For the past few weeks I have been banking a large number of really high quality death-threats, including “I’ll Kill you!“, “Your’e gonna die!” and the ever-popular “Oh, you want some death, don’t you?!

So I was thinking about what I am going to do with all these death threats, and I decided that the best thing would be to Trade them in for a Puppy.

This picture here is a quick sketch of one I was looking at in the pound this morning. I don’t quite have enough* death threats to afford him yet, but they promised to hold him for me until the end of the month.

Isn’t he cute? Do you think I am making a good choice? I am thinking of naming him zippy. Anybody got any other suggestions?

* Technically, I do already have enough death to trade afford the puppy, but some of the death threats I have received were accompanied by actual strangulation attempts, and as such, they have too much sentimental value for me to just trade them away. As you all know, a strangle is just a hug, aimed a little too high.

A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage is Irreversible

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on July 12th, 2005

Current mood: Involved

If you have never read it before (and I am betting you haven’t) you should check out
A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage is Irreversible. It is one of the most artistic webcomics I have ever read. It uses a beautiful impressionistic style, and every episode could be framed and put in a gallery. The dialog reads like poetry, and it is very funny.

I salute Dale and Dave!

Lion Fish Mermaid (Artwork)

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on July 9th, 2005

The Lion Fish Mermaid is a rare sub-species of Mermaid found in tropical regions of the Pacific and Indian oceans. She is venomous, having poison spines hidden within her feathery fins, the prick of which can cause temporary paralysis. Lion Fish Mermaids are hearty and resilient, and therefore they make good aquarium mermaids, though at times they can be moody and demanding. Buying her presents and complimenting her hair can help.

Supreme Enlightenment

 Posted by Bob the Hamster on July 1st, 2005

Current mood: Enlightened

What is the nature of Supreme Enlightenment? I asked the master.

The master breathed deeply seven times, and then opened his eyes. Supreme Enlightenment is elusive, he said slowly. The mysteries of life are many-fold, and perfect harmony is always hidden. True enlightenment requires a lifetime of devout meditation.

What of those who are not monks? I asked. How will the rest of the world find time in their busy lives to seek Supreme Enlightenment?

The master scowled. Why should those who are not monks seek Supreme Enlightenment? That is our task. We seek enlightenment for them, and then once we have found it, we tell them what it is.

How can one be told of Supreme Enlightenment? Will they believe us? Will they listen?

If they do not listen, said the master, we will hit them with sticks. He raised the Heavy Stick Of Supreme Enlightenment over his head and waved it around a bit.

But master! I do not understand! I wailed.

The master hit me with the stick.

And I became Enlightened.